59 Things iHate About Sam Puckett
by AliceMalfoy26
Summary: When Sam goes into Freddie's room to get him back for something he said to Carly, she discovers a mysterious journal hiding under his bed. What's inside this journal, and could it change everything Sam once thought about Freddie?  # of things changed
1. Discovery

I started the list a long time ago. I don't know why I did it exactly, I just started writing and once I did I found it hard to stop. For the next year, whenever she did something, I'd write it down, so I'd never forget all the terrible things she'd done to me. But after a while, the list started to change. It wasn't supposed to go like that, but one day, something just came over me. It wasn't a big deal. I chalked it up to hormones and continued the list as I had before. And yet, as time went on, more things like that kept presenting themselves. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Finally, after almost a year, I admitted it.

As much as I hated her, I was in love with Samantha Puckett.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Carly, I'm home!" I shout, slamming the door behind me, throwing down my backpack and flopping down on the couch. "Bring me some ham, will ya?"

Carly comes running down the stairs, grinning from ear to ear, twirling in a circle on her way to the fridge. "One plate of ham, coming right up! You want some Wahoo punch or Pepi Cola or anything?" she asks, pulling a ham out of the fridge.

"Uh, Pepi Cola please," I say, looking at her confusedly. "You're in a good mood today. What's up?"

"Oh, it's nothing. It's just that... JASON ASKED ME OUT!" she squeals.

"What?" I shout. "That's great!" We scream together, until a sudden, uninvited thought popped into my head. I wonder how Freddie would feel about this. Wait. Since when did I care what Frednub thought? And besides, he'd been through this plenty of times with Carly, why should it matter this time?

As if he knew we were talking about him, Freddie comes in the door, silencing our screaming. "Hey guys," he says, throwing his backpack next to where I'd thrown mine. "What's all the screaming about?"

"Carly's got a boyfriend. Where's my ham?"

"Another one?"

"What do you mean another one?" she asks, frowning slightly at Freddie.

"Well, it's just, didn't you and Blake only break up a few weeks ago?"

"Yeah, and?" she asks, now full on glaring at him.

'Ooh, this should be good,' I think. 'Looks like Carly's about to go all she-hulk on his ass... His fine, fine - dammit Puckett stop thinking like that!' I blushed, thanking god that Carly and Freddork's attention was elsewhere. As much as it pains me to admit it, I've developed a crush on the idiot in the last few months, and it's getting worse every day. Why did he have to have those eyes that looked like melted chocolate, or that fine, fine - dammit, I'm doing it again! What is wrong with me?

I look up to see that I've missed half of Carly and Freddie's argument, and they're now standing on either side of the kitchen counter glaring at each other. "Maybe I should leave before one of us says something they'll regret," says Freddie frostily, arms crossed over his perfectly molded ches- chiz! Why do I keep doing that?

Carly crosses her arms back and said, "It sounds like ONE OF US already has."

"Then maybe ONE OF US should apoligize!"

"Maybe ONE OF US should leave!"

"Fine!" she shouts, storming out and slamming the door behind him.

"Fine!" she screams after him, before storming upstairs. I get up and walk to the kitchen to get my plate of ham.

~~~~~~~~~

After about 10 minutes to let her cool down, I tiptoe up to the studio to see how Carly is doing. I push open the door slowly, to find her sitting on one of the beanbag chairs, eyes swollen from crying. I walk over to her slowly and pull the other beanbag next to her, sitting down quietly.

"Hi," she says, rubbing her eye with her fist.

"You okay?"

"Does it look like I'm okay?" she snaps at me, making me jump back in surprise. "Sorry," she mumbled, looking down again. "I'm just so mad, ya know? I thought that dating someone new would help me get over this stupid crush, but no matter what I do I still love him! And then Freddie just calls me out on it! 'Ooh, Carly has dated a lot of boys, she's such a slut!' He doesn't seem to get that there might be another reason to it!"

"Wait," I say, trying to wrap my mind around what she was saying. There's another boy? "You have a crush on someone else?"

"Did I say crush?" she asks, blushing furiously.

"Carly, do you like Freddie?"

"What? No, of course not!"

I look at her sceptically.

"No, no, it's someone else," she says, looking me straight in the eyes. "Really. I promise."

I can tell she's telling the truth, not even I'm that good of a liar. In that case though, someone had to make Freddie Benson pay. And luckily for Carly, I'm the perfect person for the job.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I skip first period the next morning, as usual. It's only study hall, and i figure, what's the point in sitting and not doing something at school when I could just as easily sit and not do it at home? Today though, I'm not staying at home. I get up early (well, if 8:30 counts as early - I'm not sure it does) and walk over to Bushwell Plaza, rubbing the bobby pin in my pocket with my thumb. I walk in, ignoring Lewbert as he screams that he just mopped. I run up the stairs two at a time, and duck behind the bush in the corner as Ms. Benson steps out of her apartment, carefully locking all 6 locks behind her. She whistles as she puts her keys in her pocket and walks over to the elevator, pushing the button to go down. The second the doors close behind her, I jump forward, getting started on the locks.

After a few minutes, and several satisfying clicks, I open the door, stepping into Fredward's impeccably clean apartment, my backpack resting heavily between my shoulder blades. It's not full of school supplies though, it's full of something much better. I walk into Freddie's room, almost squealing from excitement. This will be the best prank yet.

I set my backpack down on the floor, unzip it, and am about to pull out what is waiting inside, when I see the corner of a notebook poking out from beneath his bed, as if it were shoved there hastily. I step forward, pulling it out. The one word on the cover makes me grin evilly. This is even better than what I had planned. Thinking I should go through with the other prank too, for just in case the notebook isn't as interesting as I had hoped, I shove it in my backpack, and pull out the first canister, I shake it vigorously, grinning the whole time. I pull off the lid and push down on the button, brightly colored plastic shooting out of it. I pull out another canister, and another, until my backpack is almost completely empty, and silly string canisters litter the floor around me. I take one last look at my handiwork, dump the canisters into the trash can in the corner, pick up my backpack and turn away, its familiar weight back on my shoulders. I almost forget about the notebook, and that one little word that inspired me to take it.

Journal.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! This fic will probably be 4 parts, but the second will be much shorter than the rest. Hopefully the other two will be about this length too. The idea of this came to me the other day, and it's probably pretty cliche, but I hope you enjoy it anyways. Please review, and let me know what you think will be in the journal! :)**


	2. Investigation part 1

That night, Carly and I sit in the iCarly studio, watching Annoying Orange videos and just hanging out. Freddie's mom left for the weekend, so Freddie had gone to stay the night at Gibby's house, meaning he wouldn't find his room until the next day at the earliest, when the silly string was completely hardened, leaving almost no chance of getting it off. I chuckle quietly, and then I remember something Carly had told me - or rather, not told me, the night before.

"Carly, who do you like?" I ask, getting straight to the point.

She coughs, choking on a bit of popcorn that she had just tossed into her mouth. She takes a deep breath, dislodging the popcorn and then looks at me, eyes watering slightly. "What?"

"You never told me yesterday who you like."

"Oh, it's no one," she says, looking away. "You don't know him."

"Carly..."

"Really! He goes to Briarwood!"

I sigh and roll my eyes, knowing that I know much more about him than Carly is letting on. I look over at her, and she is now staring intently at the video on the screen, and I know I'll get no more out of her tonight. I suddenly remember the notebook in my backpack and my face lights up. "Hey Carly, remember when I said I was going to make Freddie pay for being such a jerk to you?"

"Yeah," she says, still staring towards the screen, but beginning to look slightly worried.

"Well..." I begin, grinning evilly.

"So let me get this straight," she says, 10 minutes and an explanation later. "You covered his room in silly string, and then you STOLE HIS JOURNAL?"

"Pretty much," I say, smiling at the look on her face.

"You are an evil girl Puckett. We shouldn't even read it. We should go back and you should put it exactly where you found it!"

"Yeah, I guess," I say, sighing slightly. We stare at each other for a moment before we both bolt for the doorway where I had dropped my backpack, unzipping it forcefully and pulling out the notebook. We run back to our beanbags, Carly clutching it to her chest.

"I feel like a terrible person," she says. "But, I really wanna know what it says!"

"Eh, eventually you stop feeling guilt completely. Now open it!"

She opens it to the first page and we begin reading with bated breath.

_I want to get one thing straight. This is not a journal. It may say so in the cover, but this is definitely not a journal. It's more of a list of sorts, a very special list that I've been making on different scraps of papers for years. I realized that it's about time I put them all into one place. So here it is, in its entirety. Although, I don't see why anyone would be reading this, considering it's private and absolutely none of your business SAM. Seriously. Please, don't read past this page. Although, I suppose if you do just know that the reading of this page means that you are not allowed to bruise, break or severely damage any part of me because of the information you find. As I said before, this is personal, and you shouldn't even be reading it._

I look up at Carly. "Wow," I say. "He seems pretty serious about it."

"Yeah," she says, looking down at the first page. "Should we keep reading?"

We look at each other in silence before she says, "Dammit, I can't NOT know what's in this notebook!" and flips the page quickly. And there, at the top of the page in Freddie Benson's tidy handwriting reads something that I never would have expected.

_59 things i hate about Sam Puckett._

**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for sticking with me! The action will really start in the next chapter, sorry it took so long for me to upload this. I really need help with the next chapter, so if you think of things that should be on the list, please please please tell me! I don't think I can think of 187 things on my own. :) Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon!**_  
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	3. Investigation part 2

Chapter 3

_And there, at the top of the page in Freddie Benson's tidy handwriting reads something that I never would have expected_

_59 reasons why I hate Sam Puckett._

I look up at Carly in shock, to find her eyes staring into mine. "No wonder he didn't want us to read this..." she mumbles, closing the journal. "It's really none of our business."

"I promise I won't kill him when I read it just give me the notebook I wanna know why he hates me!" I say, all in one breath. She sighs handing it over.

"Fine," she says. "But I'm not reading it with you."

I grin at her and snatch the notebook, opening up to the second page again, and I begin to read.

After a few minutes, Carly, who was attempting to continue watching videos, but kept glancing over at me, suddenly screams. "ICANTTAKEITANYMOREREADITALOUD!"

I smile, go back to the beginning of the list, and begin to read again.

_1. I hate the way she goes out of her way to hurt me._

_2. I hate it when she calls me a nerd._

_3. I hate it that she's stronger than me._

_4. I hate that she yells at me for the stupidest things._

_5. I hate that I have to see her whenever I see Carly._

_6. I hate that she acts like I can't make useful contributions to anything_

_7. I hate that she never even tries in school._

_8. I hate that she gets good grades even though she never even tries in school._

_9. I hate how she always tells me Carly will never love me._

_10. I hate how she knows Carly will never love me._

_11. I hate the way she always calls me Frednub or Freddork or something, like she can't be bothered to say Freddie._

_12. I hate the way she eats, like she's been stranded on a desert island for months._

_13. I hate how she always pushes me away when she talks to Carly._

_14. I hate how much she lies_

_15. I hate that Carly cares more about her than me._

_16. I hate how she knows when I'm in a good mood so she can come and stomp on it._

_17. I hate how whenever Carly and I are alone together she shows up and finds a way to ruin everything._

_18. I hate the way she always ruins everything._

_19. I hate that every time I get an ice cream cone she licks it all over just to annoy me._

_20. I hate the way she thinks the world revolve around her._

_21. I hate that she's always right_

_22. I hate the bruises she leaves on my arms._

_23. I hate that she leaves the bruises on obvious places so I have to explain things to my mom._

_24. I hate the way she always makes fun of my mom._

_25. I hate that she's never said one nice thing to me._

_26. I hate that she takes her anger out on me._

_27. I hate that she won't trust me with anything._

_28. I hate how much she hits me._

_29. I hate how much she hates me._

_30. I hate how much it hurts when she hits me._

_31. I hate that she can find fault with anything I do_

_32. I hate that she's really good at whatever she tries._

_33. I hate that she only tries things that she can use to hurt me in one way or another._

_34. I hate that she can always come up with creative ways to hurt me._

_35. I hate that she was my first kiss._

_36. I hate that she can't keep a secret._

_37. I hate that she does things just to spite me._

_38. I hate that she does things with force that she could just as easily do with words or reason_

_39. I hate that she abuses me when she's sad. Or mad. Or happy. Or bored. Or in any mood at all._

Carly chuckled. I turned and glared at her before going back to reading.

_40. I hate that she can always come up with better comebacks than me_

_41. I hate that she's only nice to me when there's something in it for her_

_42. I hate that she calls me a button pushing monkey_

_43. and says I'm not important to the show_

_44. I hate that she knew I was only Carly's bacon and ruined our relationship_

_45. I hate that she has ruined every chance me and Carly have ever had at a relationship._

_46. I hate that she's just naturally vicious_

I stop, slamming the notebook shut, and getting up. Carly looks up at me, frowning. "Hey!" she protests. "I was reading that!"

"Too bad," I say, walking towards the door.

"Where are you going with that?"

"To Gibby's. Freddy and I are going to have a little chat."

I walk out and slam the door behind me, not giving her a chance to respond.

**A/N: I'm sooo sorry I havent updated in so long! I've had so much going on! I will hopefully update again in the next few days, and then a few days after that I will be posting a one-shot that is a companion piece for this story that I've already written, involving Carly and the boy she has a crush on that she mentions in chapter 1. Thank you all for bearing with me. As always, please favorite, add to alerts and REVIEW!**


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